Bitch, I’m in a weird reality
Chess
How are you spending your time?
Will things get weirder before they get better?
When will I exist comfortably?
Okay. Yes I understand that I signed up for being alone a lot of the time when I decided to move to Oregon. Yes. I understood that I will likely be one of the few diverse people that visit any where here in Eugene. Thought it would be a bit easier cause it is a college town but I do not really belong in that demographic. So this has been tough.
I did move out here because nature is hella more accessible than it was in Texas. That is what is keeping me grounded. Cause I can have a shitty day but I can at least look at some cool looking trees while I contemplate my life.
So basically I spend my time trying to meet decent people but that shit is exhausting and I get ignored a lot of the time. I joined a swim team to get me ready for my first triathlon next year. I also go out to community runs and have met some okay people doing that but no one that just clicks. That’s how most of my friendships always worked, minimal effort but there is a click maybe a vibe. I don’t know but it hasn’t happened for me yet.
Despite not having friends I am in the best shape i’ve been in forever. I’m glad that part of my life is working out (hehe).
I’m also taking classes at Strayer University. I’m worried that they haven’t given me any credits for my associates degree.
I kinda feel that things are going to feel a bit more weird for me cause the holidays are coming up and I really rather not start feeling bad for myself cause I have no one to share my time with. Looks like this is very likely. UGHHHHH!! It’s fine. It could be worse. I am still in a very privileged position. This is fine.
Just wish I wasn’t so uncomfortable with my past. I think that’s one of the biggest reasons I don’t live comfortably. It’s the being uncomfortable with the things that were done to me and the way I reacted. I also can barely afford to exist. Things are expensive and no one else is offering to pay my bills.
